I am going to mark this as resolved even though we all know the actual issue is far from resolved. Many characteristics you love about your spouse came from him. Ask him about his childhood and what it was like raising your spouse. I am not particularly skilled at these things - I'm more likely to engage in a friendly debate - but I see people who really don't like debate or advice do these things and it seems to work. Ask him about his career and what led him to that occupation. Last night he tried to tell us to refinance our house even though he doesn't know anything about our loan. Here are three ways you can improve the relationship with your father-in-law and feel more comfortable in his presence. How do I stand up to my father-in-law? I'd refuse offers of fetching things for him. Practice the Long Stare that bennett being thrown describes.
The only thing he could do is refuse to see you -- it sounds like it would be a relief to you and your wife, and he would be sitting alone in silence. I mean, maybe it's good to work on assertiveness in general, but this particular arena is actually very complicated from an interpersonal standpoint so it seems rough to kind of throw this sort of critical label on yourself. When common interests are missing, conversation may be difficult. No complaining about how he always does something, no impugning his motives for asking, just "Nope, I'm not going to do that. It was easy enough to go once a month, and let it roll off our backs. Even if she says as a matter of principle that she wants to start standing up to him, wanting and doing are two very different things. Get him out of his castle where he is king. By the time I realize what has happened the conversation has changed. He may interpret it as a physical threat and alpha dog behavior, but that's on him. Try not to make your feelings about her father a burden for your partner. One family member determined to be unpleasant can really make an otherwise nice visit into an ordeal, can't they? April 28, 7: Sometimes I just speak up, though. He does has a temper, and we have both seen his temper. Maybe the strength of your reaction stems from insecurities about your own confidence levels. This is usually followed by a sigh, and him telling her to get out of the way. I doubt that trying to train him out of it is going to work. He also tries to tell us what to do. Look at the objects in your in-laws home for something interesting or ask your spouse about previous hobbies your father-in-law enjoyed. I would just pretend you didn't hear him. I really would like for this not to bother me, but it is getting harder and harder. We focus on things he enjoys, and trips he has taken. You're going to ignore him, and he knows it, and there's nothing he can do about it. Is there a book on handling these situations? Realize you are the ones with the power. Anyway, you and your wife have to come up with a plan of what to say to her parents and agree on it.
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