What's he supposed to do? In fact, considering the fact that he's been with at least two women presumably his own age your mother and former step-mother , the indication is that he has pretty diverse tastes, so to speak. If I had a step daughter or son my own age, I'd feel like In my family, they find new SO's before the old ones die, so that's my weirdout. It is OK to have those feelings of ickiness. As it turns out, he told my BFF that he had no plans to marry again, but rather, he was just happy enjoying the company of this beautiful young woman who liked having him around too. This stuff is always kinda weird. In the situation I mention above, people dealt with their reactions by trying to focus on the positive effects the woman had on the man's life, so maybe you can try to keep that in mind. I totally hear you. How do you think she feels? But it's his life so you just have to deal with it and secretly judge him and be annoyed. That's really all you can do. If they're self-aware and fortunate in their selections, they may even pick out someone who works well as a continuing partner, no drama or trauma other than whatever the kids have to work out for themselves, of course. She knows how weird this all is, and she wants to try to be helpful. Oh, and the fact that she is actually trying to a make your dad happy at Christmas and b get you in on it.
I'm not sure if those things apply to you or not, but I hope they're worth thinking about as jumping off points for discovering how to deal with this development in your relationship with your father. From what I can remember, it is pretty nerve-wracking right? She even wakes up at night crying for him. I've always liked a lyric, "skirt around the danger zone and don't talk about it later," too often been too good at that, though sounds not implausible that in the right time and place you and your dad can have a fuller conversation about this? And he seems to be very appreciative of it right now. But second, just because a woman marries your father does not mean you have to think of her as a step-mother. And when you add to the picture that you only see him twice a year.. Either way, let it go. Sounds like this deserves professional help, too. I think there are a number of things going on here, so maybe if you tried to break them down they would help. In the meantime, try not to burn any bridges. Part of the reason for my discomfort, I think, was that he was mostly unavailable to me when I was growing up. I don't blame you. Are you really going to let a number come between you and your father like this? You might have your assumptions positively challenged. What do you want? She's not even an acquaintance, let alone a friend or family figure. You have known this all along, so if you truly want him in your life, you need to stand up and tell the world that he is the man who makes you glow and keeps you happy. You want freedom to choose your own mates, I'm sure, and if this is not a good relationship, your dad will find that out. As someone who's worked through all variety of healthy and less healthy responses to the people my divorced parents have dated, that would just drive me bonkers. And fwiw, this seems to just be the way men roll at his age. This really squicked me out when I was in my 20s. But other than doing what you can to support your dad in his quest for happiness in this life, I think you probably need to keep your concerns private. You say you are close but if you persist, you won't be anymore. I live on the opposite side of the country as my dad, so while we talk regularly I only get to see him once a year or twice a year at the very most. My parents are recently separated and my dad has been in a relationship I'm not all that psyched about either for different reasons. She intellectually knows she shouldn't be bothered--she's trying to figure out how to deal with that visceral, instinctual feeling!
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